I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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