kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.