you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.