A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize