So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
