He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
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protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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