Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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