Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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