If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
