I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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