Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize