Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed