Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs