im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.