i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack