Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
ttyl tear gas
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?