you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
