Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
