Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
