I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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