There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
