I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize