watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
