everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize