I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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