i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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