Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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