god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
A+ Viking dick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
