Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
