gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize