You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
