Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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