Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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